It's been almost two months since my last blog posting. Nothing much had changed since then until recently. In about a week my son-in-law will be home from Afghanistan. It will be so nice to have all of my family back in the good ol' US of A. I have missed having him around and I know his wife and children have missed him terribly.
As much as they have missed him, I am missing my other daugther and her family. They live in Texas and we don't get to see them much. Some of that has changed recently as I have gotten to use Skype. I was able to watch our granddaughter blow out her birthday candle (a big #8) and open a couple of presents. Things I wouldn't have been able to see otherwise. We hope to get to Houston this Christmas but there is still a lot of time between now and then.
My closest family is my husband right here is Prior Lake along with my own mom who lives just a couple of miles away. It is nice to have her close by. I've taken her to lunch on the spur of the moment and we've gone shopping just because. Bruce and I have done little things around the house that we can afford to do without the benefit of my income. I hope that changes soon as I really want to work and bring home a paycheck.
So another summer is upon us for me to have family fun, visits with family and a lot of sun. So, bring on Summer 2010, I can hardly wait!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
THE FUTURE
Only God knows what the future will hold for me. I'm still unemployed and searching for a job, looking for other means to make money and trying to work around the house while I am home. I don't like not having a job. I've gained weight, wear the same clothes over and over again and can't seem to get the laundry done even though I'm home day after day.
I talked with a friend yesterday and decided to make a list of things I want to get done. Maybe by having this in front of me every day, it will give me a reason to get up and get going each day. If I'm able to cross off something on the list now and then, I will feel some kind of accomplishment. The same feeling you get at work for a task completed. I think I need that in my life right now.
Some of the things on my list right now are: looking to find our camera (it's been misplaced), making a wedding towel cake to try to sell on e-bay to "check out the waters" in that arena, finish my laundry and clean up the laundry room, clean out various closets (bathroom, hallway, kitchen, etc...), work on Chloe T stuff (i.e. decor for Gala, find golfers, help Jen find place for Chloe's Carnival, etc...) and the list goes on. If I can accomplish even one of these items in the next couple of days, I will be estatic!
Although the future of my employment is uncertain, I know I have a husband that loves me, kids and grandkids I love and I know I have something to offer this world (it just hasn't presented itself yet).
I talked with a friend yesterday and decided to make a list of things I want to get done. Maybe by having this in front of me every day, it will give me a reason to get up and get going each day. If I'm able to cross off something on the list now and then, I will feel some kind of accomplishment. The same feeling you get at work for a task completed. I think I need that in my life right now.
Some of the things on my list right now are: looking to find our camera (it's been misplaced), making a wedding towel cake to try to sell on e-bay to "check out the waters" in that arena, finish my laundry and clean up the laundry room, clean out various closets (bathroom, hallway, kitchen, etc...), work on Chloe T stuff (i.e. decor for Gala, find golfers, help Jen find place for Chloe's Carnival, etc...) and the list goes on. If I can accomplish even one of these items in the next couple of days, I will be estatic!
Although the future of my employment is uncertain, I know I have a husband that loves me, kids and grandkids I love and I know I have something to offer this world (it just hasn't presented itself yet).
Thursday, December 3, 2009
MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY
I have several things to be happy about right now. I start a new temporary job on Monday that is only 6 miles from my house. No driving on the freeway, just backroads. I didn't like having to go in for drug screening, but it made the employer happy.
I've made my oldest daughter happy and speechless. I've resisted changing when I celebrate Christmas with my family because I love Christmas morning with my grandkids. Well, this year Jenny was put into a very stressful situation and my mother's instinct took over and decided it was better to make the change this year than to have my daughter strung out to her last thread. When I asked Jenny what she thought about celebrating Christmas after the grandkids Christmas program at church on December 20, there was dead air on the other end of the phone. Well, I said . . . Jenny said she didn't know what to say but I could tell it really made a difference for her. I don't think I was really against making changes in how my family celebrates Christmas, I think I just wanted it to be my idea when I was ready. This year, I'm ready. I've written a letter to Santa Claus asking him to please fill my grandchildren's stockings 5 days early. I think he's sending his special elf, Ralph.
I'm making myself happy by entertaining quite a bit this weekend. It all starts tomorrow night at OES where Bruce and I serve refreshments after the meeting. More people will be at this meeting as it is the Grand Family visit. Several people have asked what I am serving but I'm not telling. Next up is the neighborhood Christmas Party on Saturday morning. Ten ladies from the neighborhood (or in some cases, who used to live in the neighborhood) arrive at 10 AM for a light breakfast and exchanging token gifts (usually something Christmas). After everyone has enjoyed listening to music, chatting and opening a fun gift, they leave around noon. Then I'm off and running to get things ready for the next party which is on Sunday afternoon. There's appetizers to make, beverages to get cold and dishes to get ready. Come Sunday, I'm dressed in my holiday best ready for my guests to arrive (about an hour into the Vikings game). Entertaining this way is easy since you really only have to clean the house once, get it decorated (which you can then enjoy for the entire month of December) and be busy for one weekend instead of little bits here and there.
I love making people happy. It heals my heart at this time of year. I've lost several family members during the holidays so making others happy helps me get through. I'm glad I could make Jenny happy this year. It has been a hard one for her and won't get much better until next summer when John returns. All I can say is Happy Holidays, strike that, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
I've made my oldest daughter happy and speechless. I've resisted changing when I celebrate Christmas with my family because I love Christmas morning with my grandkids. Well, this year Jenny was put into a very stressful situation and my mother's instinct took over and decided it was better to make the change this year than to have my daughter strung out to her last thread. When I asked Jenny what she thought about celebrating Christmas after the grandkids Christmas program at church on December 20, there was dead air on the other end of the phone. Well, I said . . . Jenny said she didn't know what to say but I could tell it really made a difference for her. I don't think I was really against making changes in how my family celebrates Christmas, I think I just wanted it to be my idea when I was ready. This year, I'm ready. I've written a letter to Santa Claus asking him to please fill my grandchildren's stockings 5 days early. I think he's sending his special elf, Ralph.
I'm making myself happy by entertaining quite a bit this weekend. It all starts tomorrow night at OES where Bruce and I serve refreshments after the meeting. More people will be at this meeting as it is the Grand Family visit. Several people have asked what I am serving but I'm not telling. Next up is the neighborhood Christmas Party on Saturday morning. Ten ladies from the neighborhood (or in some cases, who used to live in the neighborhood) arrive at 10 AM for a light breakfast and exchanging token gifts (usually something Christmas). After everyone has enjoyed listening to music, chatting and opening a fun gift, they leave around noon. Then I'm off and running to get things ready for the next party which is on Sunday afternoon. There's appetizers to make, beverages to get cold and dishes to get ready. Come Sunday, I'm dressed in my holiday best ready for my guests to arrive (about an hour into the Vikings game). Entertaining this way is easy since you really only have to clean the house once, get it decorated (which you can then enjoy for the entire month of December) and be busy for one weekend instead of little bits here and there.
I love making people happy. It heals my heart at this time of year. I've lost several family members during the holidays so making others happy helps me get through. I'm glad I could make Jenny happy this year. It has been a hard one for her and won't get much better until next summer when John returns. All I can say is Happy Holidays, strike that, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!
Monday, November 2, 2009
OUT OF A JOB
I've been out of a job now for 3 1/2 months. I really hate it!
Money issues have reared their ugly heads. I've applied for 41 jobs without receiving any callbacks what so ever. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning; and, when I do, I spend a couple of hours on the computer looking for jobs to apply to.
The depression I've suffered with for several years is sinking deeper and I don't like it. I'm not sure what to do about it. I've never had this much trouble finding a job. I could work a temporary job for a couple of weeks and the company would want to hire me. Now I can't even get a company to look at me. I don't have a degree but I do have years and years of experience.
Do I move on to a different "career"? Should I resurrect my business and go back to making parties and wedding days special for others? I'm at a loss and I'm not looking forward to the holidays the way I usually do. Being out of a job really sucks! I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Money issues have reared their ugly heads. I've applied for 41 jobs without receiving any callbacks what so ever. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning; and, when I do, I spend a couple of hours on the computer looking for jobs to apply to.
The depression I've suffered with for several years is sinking deeper and I don't like it. I'm not sure what to do about it. I've never had this much trouble finding a job. I could work a temporary job for a couple of weeks and the company would want to hire me. Now I can't even get a company to look at me. I don't have a degree but I do have years and years of experience.
Do I move on to a different "career"? Should I resurrect my business and go back to making parties and wedding days special for others? I'm at a loss and I'm not looking forward to the holidays the way I usually do. Being out of a job really sucks! I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
CHLOE
I get to this time of year and all my thoughts are about Chloe. You see, I'm working on the annual fundraiser for the organization that is her namesake, The Chloe T. Foundation. I wonder if she is proud of what we have been able to accomplish. Does she smile every time a child gets one of our stuffed animals? I miss her terribly but feel my purpose in life is to work on the foundation. Her mission while here was to make us realize how the kids feel at the hospital and to know there are other parents like hers who feel so helpless when their child is hospitalized.
As I sit here, I'm looking at her picture near Halloween. She is dressed in a yellow duck costume looking up at mom and I can all but hear her say with her eyes, "Gest, Mom, did you have to put in a duck suit?" I needed a break from working on the fundraiser and thought writing about Chloe might help. It does.
Chloe - Wherever you are, please know how much I love you, miss you and am happy you are free to soar with the eagles in your pretty, white wings. Freedom to do the things you couldn't here on earth. Love, Nana
As I sit here, I'm looking at her picture near Halloween. She is dressed in a yellow duck costume looking up at mom and I can all but hear her say with her eyes, "Gest, Mom, did you have to put in a duck suit?" I needed a break from working on the fundraiser and thought writing about Chloe might help. It does.
Chloe - Wherever you are, please know how much I love you, miss you and am happy you are free to soar with the eagles in your pretty, white wings. Freedom to do the things you couldn't here on earth. Love, Nana
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
THE WORD CANCER
The word cancer strikes the fear in most everyone. For me, the word left me in a state of wonder. It all started when Bruce found a lump in his testicle. He said it felt different than the other side. He put off going to the doctor so he could get through being Grand Commander for the state of MN. He finally allowed me to call and make a doctor appointment for him. From there the month of august whizzed by.
Upon seeing the doctor, he was immediately sent to have an ultrasound. By the time he got home from that, the phone was ringing as he walked in the house and was told he had an appointment with a urologist in half an hour. So out the door he went to Burnsville. Two days later he was scheduled for surgery on August 7.
The morning of August 7 was a little chilly and I decided I needed to wear jeans if I was going to be sitting in a hospital all day. We had to be there at 10:45 AM for 12:15 PM surgery. A few minutes after we arrived, Bruce was called upstairs to be prepped for surgery. I would be paged when he was ready. I could sit with him until they took him into surgery. Well, 12:15 came and went as did 1:15. Apparently, Dr. Borgen was running a bit late. Finally, at 2 PM Bruce walked to the operating room and I went downstairs to wait. I would be paged again when the surgery was done and Dr. Borgen would come out to talk to me.
The doctor walked in the room and I listened very intently. He described something called a seminoma. It is one type of testicular cancer. He explained it is 97% curable which was a song to my ears. But, I still had to tell Bruce. I went back downstairs until Bruce was ready to come out of the recovery room. I called the girls and told them their dad was out of surgery. They wanted to know what was found but I told them I needed to let Dad know first since it was all about him. I was paged again and had the task of telling my husband of 36 years that he did in fact have testicular cancer.
There weren't the tears or the shock most people experience when told they have cancer. I think we both already knew. He laid there eating his cookies and drinking his pop. He would still have to talk down the hall for the nurse before they would allow him to leave. He wanted to rest a bit so I went to make a couple of phone calls. One was to a close friend of ours and the other to Bruce's brother. When I got back, Bruce was ready to get dressed and be on his way home. Since he has had several surgeries during our marriage, he asked me if I wasn't tired of having to help him get dressed all the time. No, I said, it's just part of the package.
We got home and since Leanna was visiting, she had made dinner for us. Afterwards, she sat on the couch next to her dad as he told her the diagnosis. She quietly put her head on his shoulder and in the mirror I could see the tears in her eyes. I'm so glad she was visiting because I don't think I could have told her over the phone.
In the four weeks since the surgery, Bruce has had a followup visit with Dr. Borgen, a visit to a radiation therapy doctor and an oncologist. These last two doctors explained the benefits of having radiation or having chemo. Over Labor Day weekend Bruce would have to make a decision as to which treatment he wanted to have. If he does nothing, the odds of the cancer coming back is 20%, if he has radiation the odds are better at 5% and with chemo the odds are the best at only 1.8%. He researched with internet with help of Jenny.
Last night he told me to call the doctor and arrange for the chemo. He should be able to have the first treatment on Friday and then a second treatment three weeks later. I know he is scared. I am too. But, we have to believe we are going through this for a reason. We may find out the reason and we may not, but we have to trust God not to give us more than we can handle.
Yes, the word cancer can strike fear in a person. In us it brought an answer to many questions. We are now ready to face the future, put things in perspective and move on with our lives. I love you Bruce Brendal - you are my life, my love and my world.
Upon seeing the doctor, he was immediately sent to have an ultrasound. By the time he got home from that, the phone was ringing as he walked in the house and was told he had an appointment with a urologist in half an hour. So out the door he went to Burnsville. Two days later he was scheduled for surgery on August 7.
The morning of August 7 was a little chilly and I decided I needed to wear jeans if I was going to be sitting in a hospital all day. We had to be there at 10:45 AM for 12:15 PM surgery. A few minutes after we arrived, Bruce was called upstairs to be prepped for surgery. I would be paged when he was ready. I could sit with him until they took him into surgery. Well, 12:15 came and went as did 1:15. Apparently, Dr. Borgen was running a bit late. Finally, at 2 PM Bruce walked to the operating room and I went downstairs to wait. I would be paged again when the surgery was done and Dr. Borgen would come out to talk to me.
The doctor walked in the room and I listened very intently. He described something called a seminoma. It is one type of testicular cancer. He explained it is 97% curable which was a song to my ears. But, I still had to tell Bruce. I went back downstairs until Bruce was ready to come out of the recovery room. I called the girls and told them their dad was out of surgery. They wanted to know what was found but I told them I needed to let Dad know first since it was all about him. I was paged again and had the task of telling my husband of 36 years that he did in fact have testicular cancer.
There weren't the tears or the shock most people experience when told they have cancer. I think we both already knew. He laid there eating his cookies and drinking his pop. He would still have to talk down the hall for the nurse before they would allow him to leave. He wanted to rest a bit so I went to make a couple of phone calls. One was to a close friend of ours and the other to Bruce's brother. When I got back, Bruce was ready to get dressed and be on his way home. Since he has had several surgeries during our marriage, he asked me if I wasn't tired of having to help him get dressed all the time. No, I said, it's just part of the package.
We got home and since Leanna was visiting, she had made dinner for us. Afterwards, she sat on the couch next to her dad as he told her the diagnosis. She quietly put her head on his shoulder and in the mirror I could see the tears in her eyes. I'm so glad she was visiting because I don't think I could have told her over the phone.
In the four weeks since the surgery, Bruce has had a followup visit with Dr. Borgen, a visit to a radiation therapy doctor and an oncologist. These last two doctors explained the benefits of having radiation or having chemo. Over Labor Day weekend Bruce would have to make a decision as to which treatment he wanted to have. If he does nothing, the odds of the cancer coming back is 20%, if he has radiation the odds are better at 5% and with chemo the odds are the best at only 1.8%. He researched with internet with help of Jenny.
Last night he told me to call the doctor and arrange for the chemo. He should be able to have the first treatment on Friday and then a second treatment three weeks later. I know he is scared. I am too. But, we have to believe we are going through this for a reason. We may find out the reason and we may not, but we have to trust God not to give us more than we can handle.
Yes, the word cancer can strike fear in a person. In us it brought an answer to many questions. We are now ready to face the future, put things in perspective and move on with our lives. I love you Bruce Brendal - you are my life, my love and my world.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
SAYING GOODBYE
Saying goodbye to anyone is hard but when it's your daughter and her family, it is especially hard. As much as I want her to live in MN, I know her heart is still in Houston. She likes the warmer weather, has a great in-law family and loves the culture.
This is the daughter I always knew would be the one to move away and out of MN. It doesn't make it any easier but it does help having known this. Even though I cry when they leave here or I leave Houston, I know she is happy.
They've been gone on 7 hours but I already miss the little voices in the morning asking for breakfast. I enjoyed helping them get their cereal or yogurt and granola. They eat healthy and that is something I can learn from them. Their sugar intake is limited, the eat healthy snacks and play hard.
I have a message for each of the Suarez family members:
Maddie - Do well in school. Listen to your teachers. Pay attention. Make new friends and learn lots! You and I will start to write real letters to each other. I think that will be fun and a way for us to stay connected. You are a beautiful young lady and I love you very much.
Xavier - Listen to your Mommy and Daddy. They can teach you lots of cool things so that you will be ready to go to kindergarten next year. Work really hard at being a good boy at the table and sit on your tushie like a big boy. Play, build, ride, blow bubbles, color and do lots of fun things. You look so much like your mommy and you do many of the same things she did. Remember you are a special little boy and I love you very much.
Stacy - Be a good daddy to your children. You have done a great job so far and have really good kids. Do well in your job. Support Leanna in all of her doings whether it be taking care of the kids, working outside the home or going to school. She is a treasure in your life but she will always still be my little girl. Take good care of her. Bring her to MN often.
Leanna - You will always be my little girl just as your sister is. I miss you when you are not here even though we talk often on the phone. It isn't the same because I can't just call you up and ask you to meet me at the mall, come over for dinner or chat over a drink. I want you to do well in whatever profession you choose. I want you to do well in school but at the same time enjoy what you are learning. I want to believe you will live in MN again but I think your heart is in the warmer climes of the US. If you and your family find your way back to MN at some point in your life, you will be welcomed with open arms and surrounded by a family that loves you and cares about you very much. I love you.
Yep, saying goodbye is really hard to do but sometimes it is the best thing you can do. Goodbye Leanna and family. Have a safe trip home. We will see you in the fall and we will have to say goodbye again.
This is the daughter I always knew would be the one to move away and out of MN. It doesn't make it any easier but it does help having known this. Even though I cry when they leave here or I leave Houston, I know she is happy.
They've been gone on 7 hours but I already miss the little voices in the morning asking for breakfast. I enjoyed helping them get their cereal or yogurt and granola. They eat healthy and that is something I can learn from them. Their sugar intake is limited, the eat healthy snacks and play hard.
I have a message for each of the Suarez family members:
Maddie - Do well in school. Listen to your teachers. Pay attention. Make new friends and learn lots! You and I will start to write real letters to each other. I think that will be fun and a way for us to stay connected. You are a beautiful young lady and I love you very much.
Xavier - Listen to your Mommy and Daddy. They can teach you lots of cool things so that you will be ready to go to kindergarten next year. Work really hard at being a good boy at the table and sit on your tushie like a big boy. Play, build, ride, blow bubbles, color and do lots of fun things. You look so much like your mommy and you do many of the same things she did. Remember you are a special little boy and I love you very much.
Stacy - Be a good daddy to your children. You have done a great job so far and have really good kids. Do well in your job. Support Leanna in all of her doings whether it be taking care of the kids, working outside the home or going to school. She is a treasure in your life but she will always still be my little girl. Take good care of her. Bring her to MN often.
Leanna - You will always be my little girl just as your sister is. I miss you when you are not here even though we talk often on the phone. It isn't the same because I can't just call you up and ask you to meet me at the mall, come over for dinner or chat over a drink. I want you to do well in whatever profession you choose. I want you to do well in school but at the same time enjoy what you are learning. I want to believe you will live in MN again but I think your heart is in the warmer climes of the US. If you and your family find your way back to MN at some point in your life, you will be welcomed with open arms and surrounded by a family that loves you and cares about you very much. I love you.
Yep, saying goodbye is really hard to do but sometimes it is the best thing you can do. Goodbye Leanna and family. Have a safe trip home. We will see you in the fall and we will have to say goodbye again.
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